Emily's Breathless Kauai Experience

Guest post: Emily joined Kerri and I on our Breathless Kauai Retreat scouting trip.  The following is her experience.

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Beautiful.

Why has that always been an unattainable adjective for me? Beautiful is a descriptor that has always been reserved for a different type woman. A woman who’s put together. Who is seen and not heard- not because she lives up to that old southern mantra, but because she has the type of beauty that will silence a room. She’s the embodiment of grace and elegance that is perfectly balanced with strength and confidence. She’s the type of woman I have always been told I should be and the kind of woman I could be, if I really tried. As a result, most of my life has been spent stuck in a vicious cycle of dieting and disappointment. I’ve been drowning in an endless supply of the latest and greatest beauty products, only coming up for air when someone would acknowledge my efforts. My quest has kept me constantly searching for approval from colleagues, friends, family members, and partners- eagerly waiting for someone to tell me that I’m beautiful, starving to hear someone use that adjective to describe me. Yet, those words never seem to come. I’m still nothing like the image of that beautiful woman I’ve always aspired to be. Instead I’ve had to settle with adjectives like “cute”, “pretty”, “hot”, “sexy”,“fuckable”…but never beautiful…. because it’s impossible for me to be beautiful.I’m just not that kind of woman. I’m more of a mess, with wild hair and coffee stains on my wrinkled shirt. I can silence a room, not with my looks, but because I usually enter a room like a hurricane, tripping over myself every step of the way. I’m the opposite of “put-together”. I’m all over the place. Some days I’m confident, but mostly I’m waiting for the next words of affirmation from someone else to reinforce my fake confidence. That’s not the description of a beautiful woman. Not even close. It is, however, the description of a woman who has mana. Mana that is visible in my photos. That’s why I immediately broke down into tears when I saw Jen’s photos of me- I could see it. I could remember it. I could feel it again. I could believe that it was there and it all finally made sense-I immediately knew why beautiful wasn’t my adjective, why it never will be. It can’t be.

Kauai is a special place. You can feel it as soon as you step off the plane. As a dear friend explained it - the island has a unique energy. Volcanic energy. It has its own power. That’s what mana is- a spiritual force and energy. I even wrote in my journal “the mana on this island is palatable” after he described it. Farther down the same page I also wrote:

"Each time I hear a rooster crow on this island it’s a reminder that I need…that this trip is a transition. I’m calling light into all of the places of darkness I’ve been holding onto. All of the hurt and the pain that’s been inflicted by me (i.e. to myself). All of the self- criticism. All of the things I’ve done…or not done. Said….or not said."

So, what did Kauai do for me? It closed some chapters in my story and opened some new ones. I accepted that I will never be that beautiful woman I imagined while I was there. I stopped berating myself for not becoming her. I accepted that I am a mess and always will be, because I’m not beautiful and I don’t want to be anymore.All it took was a wild island and a talented photographer to immortalize it in a way I that I could finally see it for myself…see that I’m a wild woman who is “the power of the elemental forces of nature embodied in an object or person”.

I’m not a beautiful woman, I’m a woman with mana.

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To read more about our Kauai Adventure or to join us on our boudoir | yoga | meditation | adventure retreat in June 2017, CLICK HERE!  There's still room!

Fine Art Destination Boudoir Photography | Florida | Part 2 of 4

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“Hold out your hands to feel the luxury of sunbeams. Press the soft blossoms against your cheek, and finger their graces of form, their delicate mutability of shape, their pliancy and freshness. Expose your face to the aerial floods that sweep the heavens, ‘inhale great draughts of space,’ wonder, wonder at the wind’s unwearied activity. Pile note on note the infinite music that flows increasingly to your soul from the tactual sonorities of a thousand branches and tumbling waters. How can the world be shriveled when this most profound, emotional sense, touch, is faithful to its service? I am sure that if a fairy bade me choose between the sense of sight and that of touch, I would not part with the warm, endearing contact of human hands…” ― Helen Keller, The Open Door

This is the second post in the travel boudoir series from Florida.  To start at the beginning, click here. BreathlessBoudoir_fine_art_nude_beach_02_BWI think this is the most successful outdoor shoot I've ever done in terms of portraying passion and sensuality.  I love the way you can almost feel what she's feeling in each photo.  To me, that's what makes a photo successful, if it evokes emotions and feelings.  Photographing beach boudoir made it easy to bring out the passion, being in the sun and sand feels so sexy to begin with!

There's honestly so much more I want to do in the great big wide world we have, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  BreathlessBoudoir_fine_art_nude_beach_04_BW BreathlessBoudoir_fine_art_nude_beach_05_BW BreathlessBoudoir_fine_art_nude_beach_03 BreathlessBoudoir_fine_art_nude_beach_06_BW BreathlessBoudoir_fine_art_nude_beach_07_BWBreathlessBoudoir_fine_art_nude_beach_08_BW If you missed the first segment of this series click here. Great news!  Travel boudoir is now something we officially offer at Breathless Boudoir!  We will start in July with a destination beach boudoir shoot out at Navarre, FL.  Contact me for more information!  These travel sessions will have very limited availability and spots will be reserved on a first come first serve basis.  Follow our blog (blue button at the bottom) to get immediate updates when we release more information about the beach shoots as well as new blogs. You can find us on Facebook as well as our website.

Fine Art Destination Boudoir Photography | Florida | Part 1 of 4

BreathlessBoudoir_destination_florida_0045_BWI don't think I've ever been more excited about a shoot (I probably say that after every epic shoot, but my job seriously never stops amazing me)!  A friend and I went to visit my mom in Florida so I could play around with creating some fine art nudes on the beach and rocks.  I was like a kid in a candy store! I shot so much that I'm going to have to break the blog about this trip into four parts! I LOVE BEACH BOUDOIR!!! So this will be part one of our travel boudoir series, part two will be posted next Monday.  Be sure to follow the blog (blue button at the bottom of this post) so you'll be notified when it's posted! My mom brought us to a beach that I like to refer to as Sedona beach.  The sand has a reddish hue like the dirt in Sedona, Arizona and there are these really awesome rock formations called coquina rocks.  These rocks are made up of billions of smashed up mollusks (tiny shelled creatures), their bodies are basically the glue that holds the shells together.  They make quite an amazing site!  The curves of the rocks compliment the curves of a nude figure perfectly. Everything flows together naturally and organically.

This first set of photos are from midday the first time we went to the rocks.  We were so in love with the way everything looked that we decided we had to come back for sunrise.  BreathlessBoudoir_destination_florida_0072_BW ©2014 Breathless Boudoir | Jen & Max Trombly ©2014 Breathless Boudoir | Jen & Max TromblyIf you know me, you know I am NOT a morning person.  There are two things I will roll out of bed for before the break of dawn; fishing and photoshoots.  Though, mornings like these make me want to wake up with the sun every.single.day.  The sea spray refreshingly misted us when the waves crashed onto the rocks and the air was crisp yet thick at the same time.  All the colors of our world were enhanced by the sun low in the horizon, slowly climbing it's way through the sky and stretching out it's rays as dawn unfurled.   ©2014 Breathless Boudoir | Jen & Max Trombly ©2014 Breathless Boudoir | Jen & Max Trombly There's a certain sense of peace that comes with standing at the shoreline as the sun awakens.  It's a calm peace that wraps itself around your skin, kissing and caressing your every pore.  To stand naked in it's presence is utter ecstasy that can't be matched.  The repetition of waves dance on your eardrums putting you in a state of hypnotic bliss.  It's like nothing else in the world exists, except you on this little spot where the sand meets the ocean.    BreathlessBoudoir_destination_florida_0503 ©2014 Breathless Boudoir | Jen & Max TromblyBreathlessBoudoir_destination_florida_0509_BW BreathlessBoudoir_destination_florida_0681_BW BreathlessBoudoir_destination_florida_0702_BW This is only the beginning of something that is going to be much, much bigger.  I'm so in love with photographing outdoors.  Stay tuned for more information on how YOU can do your own beach shoot in July!  Info will be posted here first, so make sure you follow the blog.

You can also contact me and check out our website. And, of course, on Facebook.

<3 Jen