It's been one of those days, actually, one of those months. I've just been feeling really down on myself, not liking what I see in the mirror, yada yada yada. Self esteem is something I've struggled with for my entire life. This is one of the reasons I do what I do with boudoir photography. I know how much low self esteem can affect different aspects of your life. It's such a gift to be able to give women that little boost of confidence and let them know just how beautiful they are. These past few weeks when I've been down have been really getting to me, I've been in a bad mood, irritable towards Max, not able to focus on tasks, etc. To be frank, I've just felt like crap. And tired.
Today, we had an awesome session with a lovely lady I can't wait to blog about! Here's a sneak peek of her session:
So the session rocked, I was feeling pretty good on the way home and decided to do something about my self esteem issue. I'm not the kind of girl that puts a whole lot of effort into my every day appearance. I rarely wear makeup and my hair is usually pulled back. I dress nice, but it doesn't go much farther than that. Lately I've been "letting myself go", so to say, more and more. So tonight I put on some lipstick and rouge!
Halfway through doing my makeup I realized the shirt I was wearing didn't match the look I was going for at all. So what did I do? Traded in my clothes for a new set of lingerie I picked up from Bonjour Lingerie recently. BAM! That totally did it for me! This set is sassy with a high waisted bottom that ties around the neck, embellished with studs and a bra to match. It's mesh so you can see through it just enough. I felt so damn sexy, but I wasn't finished yet. Once my look was completed I grabbed the camera and started snapping selfies. I was having some trouble getting focus (damn fancy camera) when Max walked in. Of course he took over for me and started directing me. It was pretty awesome, we don't photograph each other often so it was a treat. I could feel my confidence rising the more we shot, I stared to get braver with posing and flirting with the camera (something I usually avoid unless I'm having a "good day").
Working on my photos made me realize that I guess I had forgotten what I looked like after having my head down for so long, tending to everything else but me. I was avoiding the mirror because I didn't really like what I was seeing that much, I didn't even try to like it. I know it's not all about your outer beauty, and that I should learn to love myself for who I am, and as I am without the makeup. But damn it, sometimes that's really hard to do when you get in a rut, sometimes we just need that little bit of extra pick-me-up to get us where we need to be.
So there it is. Toothpaste splatters and all.
If you ever need a pick-me-up and can't get in for a boudoir session, you can try this method too. A good friend of mine, Stacie Frazier, who is a boudoir photographer in Las Vegas wrote a blog series on talking self portraits. Go visit our What to Wear for your boudoir session blog post, then get cozy with Stacie for a bit and learn the ins and outs of sexy self portraits.
Now that it's 1am, I'm going curl up in my bed with a good book to fall asleep with. I feel ready to take on tomorrow.
Lots of love, Jen <3